I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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