took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
