She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
