I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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