everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
