I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
