never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
