I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
