hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
