Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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