My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
