i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
