I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am spending my child support on dildos
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
