if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
