I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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