Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
