and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
