i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
