i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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