Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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