he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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