why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
