i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
