im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
