she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
