I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
