and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
