Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
