Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
