I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
