I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
