i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
