You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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