Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
