Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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