he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
