OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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