alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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