i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
