fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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