bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
