Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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