Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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