just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
