Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
