he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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