we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
