i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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