The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
