He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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