Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
