Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
