He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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