she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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